Resurrection Sunday. Once it was called Easter. That was before the merchants got hold of it as another marketing ploy.
When my parents took me shopping for my "Easter outfit," they made it perfectly clear that the reason for the new dress, shoes etc. was to signify a new beginning, new life, new life as a gift from God. They made it clear that Christ Jesus was born to die for our / my sins and he died willingly in order that I might live forever with Him. Every time I wore the dress, I remembered that life changing lesson.
I am so thankful for those lessons. Yes, if we (John and I) were not Christians, we would experience the same crisis. But we / I would not have the peace that fills me today and every day John has been sick.
Speaking of da man.....Today he was placed in a cardiac chair. A cardiac chair is similar to a recliner. It can be placed in a reclining position or the patient can sit up. It was designed for patients with cardiac and respiratory illness.
It will take some of the pressure off the lungs and they say will make breathing easier. Right now, the breathing is a bit ragged. He is upset due to the change. I assume that he feels insecure in this new setting. It is hard to know what or how he is feeling since he cannot talk. But, this is another baby step on our journey.
Some times I talk to him and it seems he cannot hear or maybe comprehend. Yet when I asked him if he was ready to get into the motorhome and head for Anza Borrego State Park in California, he tried to get up! At least I know what his motivation will be. And you can count on it that I will use this to our full advantage.
At the same time I remember how to eat an elephant...........
One bite at a time!
Today, I think of an Inchworm. They move very slowly .... just like John's progress. And if you KNOW John we would almost say that is the way he moves! In the last few months, I've been calling him turtle. Not to be mean, but a sweet tease.
Some friends and family do not realize that they can leave comments. Just click on comments and it will take you to the right spot!
God bless you all, be safe out there.
By trying to post about gas prices. I am a failure....a total flop. But so are the prices of gas and O - Bummers leadership. You can see for yourself why gas prices differ. Maybe we should plan our trips through states with the best (for us) gasoline taxes.
Today was a total bummer. It did not start out that way. I was able to sleep until eight o'clock and when I awoke, I "thought" I felt rested.
I dressed and took Oliver and Olivia outside to do their business. Suddenly, I was one total grouch! Fussing at the dogs.....come on girlie! But that's just what I did and I'm not proud of myself.
I ran the vacuum, dusted the hardwood floors and spiffed up the house for the scheduled showing.
I arrived at the hospital to find that the young lady in the room next to John had passed away. She and John were the two longest residents of the ICU. It broke my heart for this young woman's family. What a way to start a day.
Then I learned that John had been running a temperature of one hundred two degrees. He had been scheduled for the insertion of a central line instead of his existing pic line. And he was again heavily sedated.
What else could go wrong? Oh God, I need your peace and assurance!
It has been a long, long day. John has been heavily sedated all day. Not once did he open his eyes (even if they were vacant) and look into mine. Not once did he squeeze my hand. Not once did he nod yes or move his head to say no. They say this is a minor setback. But it makes me so sad.
I have not heard his voice in two weeks. Oh how I long to hear him speak just one word. Any word.
We are supposed to be in Anza Borrego with our daughter and friends, not in an intensive care unit.
I know there are many who are much worse off than John. But I miss him. I miss his tenderness, his soft blue eyes, his ever kind words and thoughtfulness.
Tonight, my heart aches.
BUT, I know that God is in control, God Reigns! And I trust Him with my life and John's.
Yes, my heart aches to talk to John, to look into eyes that there is "someone in there." But God reigns.
It is amazing that all this happens during a Christian's Holy Week. This is what it is all about.
Christ came as a miracle.
He lived a life pure....to be an example...
He died for each of us.....the paid the penalty for our sins - large or small
He arose - defeated death - so that we can live forever - have eternal life.
It is so simple that some do not understand that all we have to do is say thank you Jesus....come into my life...take over.
He will do just that.
And then when the time come for life here on earth....we go to be with Him.....and guess what.....each of us will meet and recognize each other....
Now that is a miracle....
That is love.....
That is living "happily ever after"
I hope that when my time comes, that I will meet YOU....face to face at the feet of our Christ Jesus....
God bless YOU! And your travels.
Monday, March 26
Being a patient in the hospital is not fun. Oh my, what a stressful place to be. Being the spouse of the patient is also stressful. It is the spouse's responsibility to be the patients advocate. I find that I am like a mother hen hovering over her chick. I guess he's my rooster chick.
Right now, John is resting comfortably. They did try to have him breathe on his own, reducing his sedation drugs and it just did not work. He just was not ready today. Tomorrow is another day and they may try tomorrow.
On the positive side, Dr Duncan stated that when this is all over and done John will be back to the place he was prior to this horrible episode. What a piece of good news that is! God at work as usual!
Our daughter Holly the physician feels comfortable enough to proceed with her family vacation time to San Antonio tomorrow. That in itself is so assuring. And I encouraged her to go knowing that is what John would want.
Tuesday, March 27
John has pneumonia. Holly is on the road. We are texting and I am wishing she were here. But she will never know that.
God is still good.
First and foremost, I want to thank each and every one of you for your prayers and kind wishes. The prayers of our friends, neighbors on our country road, our family and on John's behalf and for my strength have aided in John's beings able to allow the ventilator breathe for him. Therefore allowing the healing of John's lungs and body begin.
It is a shame that we, mainly I did not see how tired and stressed John's body was. I have been so intent on beginning our new journey that I was blinded and in total denial. Please don't tell me not to feel badly. I know that I cannot change things and I am not beating myself over the head for this. It is a lesson learned.
God allows us to make mistakes and it is up to us to learn and make a choice. Will I learn from the mistakes in my life? Or will I continue to repeat those mistakes? Well, I now REALLY know the warning signs of John's fatigue and stress level and I will not continue with the pressure.
John's condition was exacerbated by his Spring allergies, dust created in the house, etc., etc. Over those things, we have no control. I'll just take care of my part of the work and let God do his part.
John chose to smoke two packs of Marlboro every day from college days till he was about fifty years old. He is now paying the price for that choice. So am I.
I ask for you prayers that John will continue to rest and heal. We definitely are not out of the woods yet. Maybe, just maybe they will try to take him off the ventilator tomorrow. If he can breathe on his own and maintain his oxygen levels and get that nasty carbon dioxide out of his lungs, we will be off our detour and back on the road of our journey.
I have a family member coming to finish the three or four things that John needed to finish. I still have Cruz our waiter from our favorite Mexican restaurant coming to spread the ten yards or whatever it's called. Our lawn tractor will be returned from the repair shop tomorrow or Tuesday and I will be able to mow a little each day before going to the hospital.
I will sign the listing contract tomorrow and the photographer will be here the end of the week to photograph the interior and exterior of the house and barns and the grounds. This paves the way for having the house on the market April 1.
I am fully aware that many times, God has a far better idea. It is often said that if you want to make God laugh, just tell Him how you have planned your life. Let's see what happens from now until April first. It would have to be April Fool's Day, doesn't it!
My prayer is that at least one of you reading this will find something in your life that you are doing, that just maybe, you need to change in order not to have to "pay the piper" as we did. For every action, there is a reaction. If you smoke, please consider seeking help to stop. If you will not do it for yourself, do it for your loved ones.
I'm smiling, I hope you are too. God bless!
