Today was a total bummer. It did not start out that way. I was able to sleep until eight o'clock and when I awoke, I "thought" I felt rested.
I dressed and took Oliver and Olivia outside to do their business. Suddenly, I was one total grouch! Fussing at the dogs.....come on girlie! But that's just what I did and I'm not proud of myself.
I ran the vacuum, dusted the hardwood floors and spiffed up the house for the scheduled showing.
I arrived at the hospital to find that the young lady in the room next to John had passed away. She and John were the two longest residents of the ICU. It broke my heart for this young woman's family. What a way to start a day.
Then I learned that John had been running a temperature of one hundred two degrees. He had been scheduled for the insertion of a central line instead of his existing pic line. And he was again heavily sedated.
What else could go wrong? Oh God, I need your peace and assurance!
It has been a long, long day. John has been heavily sedated all day. Not once did he open his eyes (even if they were vacant) and look into mine. Not once did he squeeze my hand. Not once did he nod yes or move his head to say no. They say this is a minor setback. But it makes me so sad.
I have not heard his voice in two weeks. Oh how I long to hear him speak just one word. Any word.
We are supposed to be in Anza Borrego with our daughter and friends, not in an intensive care unit.
I know there are many who are much worse off than John. But I miss him. I miss his tenderness, his soft blue eyes, his ever kind words and thoughtfulness.
Tonight, my heart aches.
BUT, I know that God is in control, God Reigns! And I trust Him with my life and John's.
Yes, my heart aches to talk to John, to look into eyes that there is "someone in there." But God reigns.
It is amazing that all this happens during a Christian's Holy Week. This is what it is all about.
Christ came as a miracle.
He lived a life pure....to be an example...
He died for each of us.....the paid the penalty for our sins - large or small
He arose - defeated death - so that we can live forever - have eternal life.
It is so simple that some do not understand that all we have to do is say thank you Jesus....come into my life...take over.
He will do just that.
And then when the time come for life here on earth....we go to be with Him.....and guess what.....each of us will meet and recognize each other....
Now that is a miracle....
That is love.....
That is living "happily ever after"
I hope that when my time comes, that I will meet YOU....face to face at the feet of our Christ Jesus....
God bless YOU! And your travels.
