Thursday, May 10, 2012


John has been home for eight days.  He is trying to do more than he can and becomes totally worn out.  I become a grouch fussing at him for what he is doing or has done.  He tries to do too much, gets so tired and either sleeps all day or just sits in a chair. I know that it is good that he can rest.  We just need to find a happy medium.  

But me?  I am having a terrible time.  I am tired physically and mentally.  Yesterday, I had a meltdown to top all meltdowns.  Actually, if I do not hold on tight to my emotions, I think I would be totally melted and flow into a drain. 

Last week, out back, I mowed the grass that was about ten inches tall.  I had not been able to mow due to running back and forth to the hospital. I hit a tree stump.  The new blade is history already. Tomorrow, I    buy a new blade.  It is the third since John got sick.  The grass grows so high that I cannot see stumps and rocks.   Ker thump, I have ruined another new blade.  That makes three since John got sick. 

Monday evening, our wonderful friends, Deb and Bob Cline from Maple Row  Stock and Wool pulled into our driveway.  They were returning from the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival and came to help us out for another day.  Bob and his trusty chain saw cut down all the dead trees, branches and tree stumps.   He leveled our crushed stone drive enough to look beautiful and accomplished odds and ends that would have taken me months to accomplish alone.    

Monday, John went to physical therapy.  He did such a great job. We had lunch then returned home.  Tuesday and Wednesday, since Bob and Deb were here, he tried to participate and totally overdid.  

Physical therapy was scheduled for Wednesday and today (Thursday).  He cancelled both sessions.  

Yesterday, he did go to his Doctor.  He asked our doctor, what to expect in recovery since Kindred Hospital gave him no directions regarding activities after dismissal.  

John, our doctor, said to just do what he feels like doing and then he will learn by his feelings the next day what he should be doing or not doing.   It would be so nice to have a map or time table....If you do this, then you will be able to do that.  Nope, not that easy.  

Today, John rested.  I also rested.  We were up at 7:15 this morning.  I told John that I wanted to lie down for a while at 8:30 and slept till 12:30.  Now that is a very long nap.  

We do not know what is normal for this situation.  There are so many things we want to do, but have no energy.  I think that if we meet any of you, it will be as you pass through and the meeting will be in our driveway.  

What a whiny blog.....

God bless each and every one of you.  


  1. Any chance for a short time you could hire someone to mow the yard. Just to give you a small break until you both get your heads above water.
    I know you want to do it all Nan, but maybe you need to stand back and just let someone else handle the yard for a short time.
    Praying that you both get the rest your body and mind needs and that John regains his strength.

  2. Nan, do not worry about whining. Have you thot about antidepressants for you and John? They might help. I can only imagine how difficult all this is for you and John. Can you pay someone to mow that yard? It would be worth the money -- that's one thing you just don't need right now. What about kids -- can they help at all? I've been pretty self-absorbed lately, but I am going to put forth the effort to email you more often. I do care and am praying for you both. Don't worry about whining -- sometimes just writing down you feelings helps. God bless!

  3. Nan I am so sorry everything seems so hard right now. Remember that part of the reason is that you are both physically and emotionally depleted. Try to take things slow even though there is so much you want to get done. So nice that you have friends who can come and help out. Give it time, Dear Nan, and things will settle into a routine once again. Still praying for you and John.

  4. Both you and John must learn patience because of what he went through. The best thing he can do is attend the Physio-Therapy which will help him get back on his feet faster then not. You have to learn to take care of yourself by getting proper sleep and nuetrician which will help you feel better. The both of you also have to learn to except help that is being offered even if the only payback you can give is appreciation and admiration. Either of you being bullheaded at this time will not help the other. Pushing yourselves beyond your present capabilities will not move you forward but set you back.

    Be Safe and Enjoy!

    It's about time.

  5. You poor thing! This is a very stressful situation for you. Just try to take care of yourself and be there for John. You can't make him do less if he wants to do more. He'll find his way, like the doctor said, by being tired the next day. Take all the rest you need. Now that John's home, it's time for you to relax and rest up, too. :)

  6. I don't think that was a whiny post at all. You almost lost him and now you have to handle many things on your own with him by your side. None of this can be easy on either of you. Do vent here whenever you feel the need. Better here than upset John at a bad time.

  7. Sometimes whining/venting is necessary or you will get sick yourself. When my husband had several surgeries in one year, I hired a lawn service to do the yard, it was worth the expense to save my sanity and have more time for other things.

  8. not whiny..just tired!..hang in is no wonder considering everything you have both been through!

  9. So glad you talked about this, Nan. You have been under sooooo much stress for sooooo long it's no wonder you would melt down a bit. Like many things, when the big stress is waning the little stresses come in and exponentially make things really harder than you think they should be. All those stresses that are thankfully not about whether John is going to LIVE or not, are still huge and exhausting. Give yourself room and whine away! I'd whine too if I hit that dang stump so many times!

  10. I agree with everyone else. It's time to take care of yourself. Let someone else do the mowing.

  11. Oh my goodness...if it's not one thing, it's another. No wonder you're exhausted and need to vent! It's your blog, vent away. You know we're sympathetic. Glad to hear that John is recuperating well even though he's pushing himself too hard. :}

  12. Whiny? I think NOT !!! I believe it is more a case of energy depletion. I have finally found that life is much easier and emotions are not constantly on a roller coaster when I am more realistic about my goals. There will be days that those three hour naps act as a emotional safety valve rather than a luxury. Life is different now for a while. God Bless you.

  13. Oh I think you are entitled to a whine every now and then. Thank goodness for your friends to stop by and give you a hand. Sure wish we lived closer!

    Good MoJo thoughts on selling the house fast!

    Karen and Steve
    (Our Blog) RVing: Small House... BIG Backyard


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