Monday, April 9, 2012


Yesterday was a hard day for me.  I know, this illness is not about me, but I sure lost focus.  I had not been listening to the encouragement to take care of myself, get some rest, etc., etc.  It came to bite me in the tush......hard....ouch!

The meltdown started prior to leaving for the hospital.  I didn't want to go!  I procrastinated until I felt so guilty, sooo.....I drove and cried all the way. The tears did not stop when I arrived in John's room....He was still sedated and did not respond to me.  The nurse said his responses to them were appropriate and I should not be concerned. I was concerned....who trusts medical professionals anyway ( a wee joke there).  More meltdown.  geesh....

I decided to drive over to our daughter's home and talk to her.  She is a physician and I hoped that she could give me a  doctor/daughter perspective.  And she did.  

I  cannot count the number of times I have heard, Holly, nurses, respiratory therapists,  his physician, all say that this is going to be a loooooong recovery. There is that Inchworm again!   But last night, talking to Holly I finally let go and let God be the Physician in charge.  

Sometimes I feel like a little child who takes a broken toy to her dad to be fixed and keeps telling him how to repair it and how fast to do it.  

Enough of me.  

As I arrived in John's room, he was sitting in the Cardiac Chair!  He was doing great!  He responded to my questions with a nod or a shake of the head.  He even tried to talk.  I would call that two bites of the elephant.  Whew.... two down and a zillion to go.  

Now he is taking a nap, or should be at least.  Right now his eyes are open and looking around as he listens to some music.  Betty, a blogger friend emailed the song In Christ Alone to us.  It just finished and I asked John if he liked it.  He nodded and it is playing for the second time.  Hey Betty, Thanks so much for this.  

We are awaiting Dr. Duncan.  I am eager to hear today's assessment.
That Inchworm and Elephant are waiting too!

In the meantime, Be safe out there on the road and your activities and God Bless!


  1. Nan I have found that the meltdowns are inevitable and that is part of us taking care of ourselves. Tears don't roll from weakness, they roll because we have been strong for too long. I so very much understand your emotions and what you are going through. I only wish I could find words to pass along comfort. In the meantime, I am sending thoughts and prayers to you and John

  2. I can certainly understand a meltdown -- I've had a few of those myself. We want results and we want it NOW -- that is human nature. What would we do without dgts -- you are double blessed to have a dgt who is a doc. Check and find a Christian radio station near you -- it is constant positive and encouraging Christian music, or you can listen live over your computer. Don't know what we would do without klove's inspiring music. Continuing to pray for you both!

  3. In crisis, we all have meltdowns, Nan. Then we pick ourselves up and go on. That's the way life is. I'm glad the advice makes you understand that you're not going to see amazing giant steps in John's recovery. Tiny steps. Tiny steps. Each one carrying him back to good health. Again, take care of yourself--I find the shower a good place to cry (even scream) and let it all out, but sometimes it sneaks up when least expected. Remember. You are human and someone you love is ill. Meltdowns are part of the natural process of the stress you are experiencing.

  4. I would be foolish to say I understand how you feel. I have no idea. I can say I feel close to tears just reading your entry today. I was full of joy reading about John and how he understood you. I am so full of hope for John and you. This to be was such positive news. Thank our Dear Lord for these small steps towards recovery! Take it to the Lord in prayer, Nan, and let Him do all the work! Remaining in our prayers!

  5. Patience is a very hard thing to keep going. As he starts to be more aware, John needs you to be strong and patient. It may be stressful for you, but if you show your frustration to much, he may feel stressed to and that will not be helpful. Let your feeling out here as often as you want. Friends understand. I look for your updates everyday and keep you in my thoughts always.

  6. Oh, I think this illness is about you, too. You and John are one, and what happens to one affects the other a lot. It's good that you have your daughter to talk to, and as Merikay says, you can vent here on the blog.

  7. patience is a virtue..hang in day at time and some days one hour at a time!!..hope that tomorrow is a better day!!

  8. So glad your daughter is nearby. Know that we are all as close as your keyboard and always ready to listen and lend our support. I was thinking of my favorite hymn..."Great is Thy Faithfulness"... and hoping you know the words. "All I have needed thy hand has provided..." May His strength be your portion in the days and weeks ahead.

  9. We just learned about John's illness through the Bayfield Bunch blog. We will pray for John and for you. I just lost my mother (85). It began with respiratory distress, (though she never smoked) ending only afew days after being admitted into hospital. The meltdown is a way to cope. We all need to release emotional stress some way. Bless you both!

  10. Be strong for him and come here to vent! Your heartache and despair can now be lightened by all of his improvements... day by day.. baby steps!

    Karen and Steve
    (Our Blog) RVing: Small House... BIG Backyard

  11. From someone who has experienced similar circumstances and a retired psychotherapist .... Please, please take care of yourself. It's OK to take time for yourself when you need to. In fact, it's not just OK, it is essential. Remember, dear Nan, that if you get run down, you can't do what you need to do for that husband of yours. Don't feel guilty. Rest, eat well, then rest more. Remember his needs are being cared for at this time byt the medical people and by God; your job is to be ready for the next step. :)

  12. Always remember that you are learning lessons that the Lord wants you to learn. Sometimes I just wish there was an easier way to learn them. And I couldn't make it through this life if I didn't have meltdowns. That is the way I cleanse my soul and make it ready for the next battle. I am so praying that John is still progressing no matter how slowly.

  13. Sending a huge virtual hug for you, Nan. Glad to hear that John is doing well again as of this post. I hope he'll continue to improve by leaps and bounds.


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