Today was a total bummer. It did not start out that way. I was able to sleep until eight o'clock and when I awoke, I "thought" I felt rested.
I dressed and took Oliver and Olivia outside to do their business. Suddenly, I was one total grouch! Fussing at the dogs.....come on girlie! But that's just what I did and I'm not proud of myself.
I ran the vacuum, dusted the hardwood floors and spiffed up the house for the scheduled showing.
I arrived at the hospital to find that the young lady in the room next to John had passed away. She and John were the two longest residents of the ICU. It broke my heart for this young woman's family. What a way to start a day.
Then I learned that John had been running a temperature of one hundred two degrees. He had been scheduled for the insertion of a central line instead of his existing pic line. And he was again heavily sedated.
What else could go wrong? Oh God, I need your peace and assurance!
It has been a long, long day. John has been heavily sedated all day. Not once did he open his eyes (even if they were vacant) and look into mine. Not once did he squeeze my hand. Not once did he nod yes or move his head to say no. They say this is a minor setback. But it makes me so sad.
I have not heard his voice in two weeks. Oh how I long to hear him speak just one word. Any word.
We are supposed to be in Anza Borrego with our daughter and friends, not in an intensive care unit.
I know there are many who are much worse off than John. But I miss him. I miss his tenderness, his soft blue eyes, his ever kind words and thoughtfulness.
Tonight, my heart aches.
BUT, I know that God is in control, God Reigns! And I trust Him with my life and John's.
Yes, my heart aches to talk to John, to look into eyes that there is "someone in there." But God reigns.
It is amazing that all this happens during a Christian's Holy Week. This is what it is all about.
Christ came as a miracle.
He lived a life pure....to be an example...
He died for each of us.....the paid the penalty for our sins - large or small
He arose - defeated death - so that we can live forever - have eternal life.
It is so simple that some do not understand that all we have to do is say thank you Jesus....come into my life...take over.
He will do just that.
And then when the time come for life here on earth....we go to be with Him.....and guess what.....each of us will meet and recognize each other....
Now that is a miracle....
That is love.....
That is living "happily ever after"
I hope that when my time comes, that I will meet YOU....face to face at the feet of our Christ Jesus....
God bless YOU! And your travels.
My heart aches for you, Nan. I know what it is to miss a voice, and I am so sad for you, tonight.
ReplyDeleteBut, you will hear John's voice, again, and he'll look in your eyes, again. I wish I could think of something to say that would bring you comfort.
If they say John is having a minor setback, that means that tomorrow could be a totally different day for him and for you. Hang on to hope. He'll need your strength as he recovers. Healing thoughts sent your way.
You can count on meeting us face to face. We're holding you and John close to our hearts in prayer.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you and give you the strength to get through this test as you help John back to full health.
Our Dear Savior is feeling your pain right with you, Nan. We have no idea why this is happening now, but once John is well again maybe it will be revealed to you.
ReplyDeleteI am of the belief that while John isn't responding right now he is isn't in pain. He is gaining his strength so he will be ready to travel with you.
Concentrate on keeping positive and believing in the healing power of prayer. Praying for your heart to be lightened and compete healing for John! God Bless you both.
This too shall pass. God has everything under control.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you have your faith to give you comfort and help you thru this difficult time. At least John is not in any pain at this time. Is he still breathing on his own?
ReplyDeleteMy heart is full of pain for you and even though I know the Lord is in charge sometimes it is so hard to accept. I guess that is what faith is all about. I love you my dear friend and we aren't going to wait until we meet at His feet - we will meet here on this earth and then again with His arms around us.
ReplyDeleteDear Nan, I was just praying for John and you before I read this post. I know many others are as well. I pray for healing for John and comfort for you. Take courage my friend, for with God all things are possible.
ReplyDeleteNan - You are quite simply - blowing me away. I cannot put into words as eloquently as your previous commenters but my heart goes out to you and John.
ReplyDeleteYou leave such beautiful comments on our post while you are faced with your own personal challenges! I do not know how you are holding it all together. I am in total awe.
Keep the faith(sounds simple enough) and trust the Lord Jesus. We will meet face to face!
Thank You so much for your encouraging words.
You are in our thoughts and prayers every day.
Love to You and John,
Sharon & Ron
What a beautiful testimony you just wrote, Nan. My heart aches for you -- I pray God reaches down and surrounds both you and John with His love, His compassion and the strength that only He can provide. Many things about tomorrow we don't seem to understand, but we know who holds tomorrow and we know who holds our hand. God bless Nan and John!
ReplyDeleteOh Nan I so wish I could give you a hug. God Bless you
ReplyDeleteIt is completely understandable being a grouch. I think sometimes it is just a sign that we have been strong for too long and it gives us reason to sit back, reflect and trust in God's plan for us. I have been there so very many times over the past year.
ReplyDelete